"You need to get out there!"

Recap on God’s Sovereignty: Part 2

For the first study in the series, I thought it was important to establish the point that God is ultimately the one who is in control of the events in our lives.  One of the anonymous questions that was asked a couple weeks back has important implications on the topic: “Singles often face numerous questions/discouraging “encouragements”… things like, “You need to get out there if you’re going to find someone,” “Get together with your closest friends and candidly ask ‘What’s wrong with me?’” or “You’re still not dating anyone?!” How does a believer trusting in the Lord for His timing rightly respond to these questions- especially when they come from other believers?”

We won’t take the time to go into too much depth in answering the entirety of this question… that will have to wait until a later study where we will talk about accountability and healthy communication. For now, the implication in this question that often gets asked by others (and us) is that somehow we are “in control.” We sometimes think that people are still single because they don’t get “out there” enough. And what does it even mean to be “out there”? Do we think they need to go on more blind dates, go to more clubs or Bible studies, or fill out one more online dating profile? If we think it’s really up to us to find someone and if we are still single… then the obvious conclusion is that we just aren’t doing a “good enough” job. If this is our thinking in life, then we are going to proceed in decision making based on what we think is best. This not only goes against all clear Biblical teaching, it will also lead to a lot of pain and unnecessary consequences.

This leads us into the topic of God’s sovereignty. It’s another one of those fancy words that describes God’s character in that He is all-powerful, self-existent, eternal, creator of all, and self-sufficient. He rules over everything. What He says goes. What He wills will come to pass. Even the outcome of our plans are directed by Him (Proverbs 19:21). Isaiah 46:10, Psalm 115:3, 135:6, and Daniel 4:35 all say that God does whatever He wants. Acknowledging God’s sovereignty without also properly understanding His other character qualities can be scary… but we are comforted that He is also faithful, kind, forgiving, loving, great, trustworthy, and good (Psalm 16:2, 34:8, 100:5, 103:8-12, 145:9). Because He is sovereign, we can truly say that God does nothing, or allows nothing, without purpose.

So, it’s not a matter of “getting out there” or taking matters into our own hands, it’s about following Him and seeking the plans He has for us. If a believer is following the Lord, they will be serving in the church, getting connected with God’s people, and loving others in community. If it’s His plan for a person to marry, He will direct that. It’s certainly not wrong to join an online dating site or to “get out there” in other ways (as long as a person is clearly following the Lord's will in purity and obedience), but if our motivation is because God just isn’t doing what we want Him to do (in the time frame we want Him to do it), we will quickly find ourselves in a situation that will have serious consequences.

What does it practically look like in a person’s life if they are not trusting God in the area of their singleness?

• Selfishness- “I deserve better…”

• Discontentment (lack of gratefulness)- “If I only had someone, then I would be happy”

• Hopelessness or depression- “I will never meet any one”

• Jealousy- “I wish I could have what they have”

• A feeling of failure- “I’m not good enough or I would have a date.”

• Anger and resentment toward God- “I’m serving Him, but He is holding out.”

• Seeing marriage as a reward for being spiritual- “If I truly love the Lord, He will give me a spouse”

• A tendency to get into relationships that they shouldn’t be in- “I probably shouldn’t date this person, but they will change”

By choosing to go our own way, we fail to experience the joy that God intends for His children. He truly does have great plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11-13)!

For a closer look at Jeremiah 29:11, take a few minutes to answer the following questions:

• What is the context of Jeremiah 29:11-13?

(29:1- who was it written to and what were they going through?)

• Why was this an encouraging message to the Israelites?

• In the midst of what was happening, how would Jeremiah 29:4 be comforting to God’s people?

• What was the Lord looking for from His people in Jeremiah’s day?

• In verse 11, how does God want to bring us “welfare” today? (read the verse in different translation)

• Although it’s true that God has good plans for us, what prevents them from taking effect? (verse 12 & 13) Do we often expect these things to happen without a commitment to change on our part?

• In verse 13, what does it look like for us to seek God with our “whole heart”?

• Read Jeremiah 29:8-9. In these verses, we see that there were people deceiving God’s people. How can we as believers, today, avoid from being led astray by false teaching?

• How else can Jeremiah 29:11-13 encourage us today?

“Who was Eve, without Adam?”

Recap on God’s Sovereignty: Part 1

In last week’s study, we started off with one of the questions that was asked during our intro week. I thought this would be a good question to start off with so we could potentially clear up any misunderstandings about the value and purpose of single women. After all, if a woman thinks that she is unable to fulfill God’s plan for her life without being married, she will fail to see how God wants to use her as a single. Here is the question:

“As a woman, how do I fulfill my God designed role of a “help-mate” if I never marry? Is coming under the leadership of the church enough? Eve came from Adam, so who is Eve without Adam? Is this a distortion caused by the Fall?”

We looked at Genesis 2:18 where we see how God brought the woman to the man to be a “helper.” Does this mean that all women were created by God to be men’s “helpers”, and that a woman is not fulfilling her God-created role until she finds a man to “help” (within marriage)? At first glance, this may appear to be the case… but context and the clarity of going to other Bible passages is always key in having a proper hermeneutic (just a fancy word that refers to how we interpret Scripture).

In Genesis 1:28, God commands Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” as well as to “subdue” and “rule over” the earth. Without getting into to too much detail, it’s quite obvious that Adam could not fulfill God’s command to “multiply” without Eve! Adam was incomplete without someone to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying, and taking dominion over the earth. It points to Adam’s inadequacy, not Eve’s deficiency. Adam needed a helper to fulfill the God-given tasks in which he was given.

In the garden, we also see the first example of marriage, and in the context of marriage, the woman certainly was created to be the “helper.” Some see this as a negative thing, but God created the roles within marriage as a picture of Christ and the church (even before sin entered the world). Dr. Matthew Henry said, “Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.” We will talk a bit more about this when we look at the roles of the man and woman in marriage, but it is important in this conversation to note that differing roles do not mean differing values. Genesis 1:26,27 tells us that man and woman were both created in God’s image. We also see this in 1 Corinthians 11:11, 12 and Galatians 3:28 that says that men and women were created equal. Their value in God’s sight is the same, but as we will see in a future study, their roles are different.

And is marriage to be more valued than singleness?  In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul specifically calls marriage AND singleness both gifts from God. If they are both gifts from God, they are both good and one is not to be valued above the other. If you are single, and you see that your singleness truly is a gift, you will then be free to be a good steward of that gift with an openness and desire to serve the Lord with your life.

~AF

Righteous Romance week one recap...

Last week, we started our new series called "Righteous Romance: a Biblical study in singleness, dating, and marriage" (Yup, it can be difficult to come up simple titles for complicated issues). If you missed it, here's a recap of what the study is NOT going to be about:

1) An unbalanced and unhealthy focus on dating and marriage. It’s easy for singles (and everyone!) to view romantic relationships as one of the main goals in life. Romantic relationships have been an idol throughout history that have pulled people away from the most important relationship, which is to be centered on the Lord. The purpose of this study is not to put romantic relationships on a pedestal. In this study, we will not exalt marriage above singleness, even though there is a subtle tendency in the church to do so.

2) A “how to” study that teaches how to find a spouse based on man-made formulas. It will not help you with your online dating profile or how to smoothly articulate a pickup line to land your next date. It will not be a “rules-based” approach to dating, and we will not dogmatically teach regulations that encourage legalism and empty “rule-following.”

3) A study that focuses more on what the Christian dating books teach than on what the Bible has to say. We will also try hard to avoid it becoming a study where everyone voices their own opinion and no authoritative, Biblical principles are established.

4) This study is not about making the “grey areas” into something that is black and white. No, it will not say that you have to date for 12.2 months before you have to be engaged or that giving your sweetie a goodnight kiss is ungodly. We will also not water down clear Biblical principles and avoid calling sin for what it is (sex outside of marriage, living selfishly, acting out in pride, etc).

So, what IS this study all about???

1) This study IS about giving glory to God by learning to have a closer relationship with Him. He is the focus of this study… not singleness, proper dating methods, or marriage. As we learn to trust Him more in life, we will see everything in life as an opportunity for growth. It is about glorifying God in everything we do! We often go to God wanting to learn how to do relationships better… and there’s nothing wrong with that, but often in that process, we fail to realize that everything revolves around our relationship with Him.

2) This study will seek to better understand Biblical principles as to avoid legalism and “rule following.”

3) This study is about providing an environment to where we can come and share our thoughts and questions on the various topics of discussion. We want to be sensitive to others, with the goal to edify and encourage in the ways of God by going to His Word. The study won’t be about hearing a lecture but about discussion and wrestling through some of these challenging topics together.

4) This study will hopefully provide Biblical wisdom in how to have a healthy, Christ-centered relationship if that is God’s plan for your life. It will also help to equip you in the lives of those you know who are in a romantic relationships.

5) We want this to be a study to where you can ask questions!! As you can see in the post below, there are a TON of great questions already... and I'm sure there are more. So, come with a question and we will try hard to talk about it over the course of the next 13 weeks.

On a final note, you may be thinking, "Is this study for me??" This study is for you if: 1) You are hoping to be in a relationship 2) Are currently in a relationship 3) You know of someone who is single who wants to be in a relationship 4) You know of someone who is in a relationship 5)... HA! You get the point... wherever you may be, this study will be practical and meet you where you're at (and help you encourage those around you).

We meet every Monday at 7:00pm. Hope to see you there! For location info, email: 29eleven@mvcchurch.org

~AF

Questions we will answer...

Below were some of the GREAT questions that were submitted last week at the study:

• What should a guy pursuing a girl look like? What are the guy/girl roles in this process?

• What do you do in seasons of discontentment?

• Is the sinfulness of society (that is the cultural acceptance of sex outside of marriage, etc.) something that may be affecting the ability of godly Christians to find a spouse?

• Why does it seem that there are so many more single Christian women than men?

• What are some healthy boundaries for a single person when interacting with married people and/or a married person of the opposite gender?

• What about arranged marriages?

• Is it important to be physically attracted to the person you marry?

• Should a woman initiate with a  man is she likes him? Is this godly? If so, what would it look like… or should the man be the one to initiate a relationship?

• What is the responsibility of a husband in marriage? Did something change from Genesis where it was God’s plan for marriage to Paul encouraging singleness and that not all are called to be married (1 Corinthians 7)?

• Is it wise to be in a friendship with a non-Christian you know is interested in you in hopes that maybe they would come to Christ? And if they become a believer, would it be okay to then date them?

• How far is “too far” when it comes to physical boundaries outside of marriage?

• How do you find the balance between guarding your heart, but also opening up enough to someone to have a deep, meaningful relationship?

• As a woman, how do I fulfill my God designed role as a “help-mate” if I never marry? Is coming under the leadership of the church enough? Eve came from Adam, so who is Eve without Adam? Is this a distortion caused by the Fall?

• Singles often face numerous questions/discouraging “encouragements”… things like, “You need to get out there if you’re going to find someone,” “Get together with your closest friends and candidly ask ‘What’s wrong with me?’” or “You’re still not dating anyone?!” How does a believer trusting in the Lord for His timing rightly respond to these questions- especially when they come from other believers?

Over the course of the next 13 weeks, we will be addressing every one of these questions as we get into the topics of singleness, contentment, God's sovereignty, purity, dating/courting, communication, christian community and accountability, Biblical love, and marriage. It should be a challenging study as we wrestle through what God's Word has to say!

~AF