We often desire clear-cut
black and white specifics rather than having to pursue a relationship with God.
We like to avoid having to trust Him and walk by faith. When I married Laura,
it would have been nice on the wedding day to have received a manual that
answered every specific question of how to handle any given situation, problem,
or challenge we would face in marriage. And I think that those who are seeking
simple answers to complicated issues in dating are hoping to live the Christian
life without engaging in a relationship with God that involves faith,
vulnerability, and trust.
In our study a few weeks
back, we sought to answer the question, “How far is too far?” There may not be
verses in the Bible like James 6:8 that specifically answer the questions we
have on kissing in a way that is satisfactory to us, but if we are open to
receiving the answers, there actually are more than enough verses that DO
adequately answer these questions. When the Bible says, “Flee sexual
immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18), God is being very specific. And to help us
better answer the question on what sexual immorality is (ie how far is too
far?), let’s look at a few verses that will help guide us…
Ephesians 5:3- “But among you there
must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of
greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
My wife loves
those watery drinks, called “Hint.” They are basically bottled water beverages
that have a subtle taste of flavoring (cucumber Hint is interesting). Nevermind
how someone has made millions by selling water with a twinge of fruit (or
vegetable!) flavoring, the point is that even just a hint can change something
dramatically.
So, what is a
hint? It is a tiny little bit. It is a smigin. An extremely small amount. This
verse says that, as believers, we are not to have even a little bit of sexual
immorality in our lives. Sexual immorality certainly refers to sexual
intercourse outside of marriage, but sex is so much broader than this. In the
technical sense, sex may be intercourse, but if we are all honest, sex is not
just intercourse… everything leading up to sex is a part of sex. Just like
turning the key is a part of driving. Why do you put your key into the ignition
switch? … obviously so you can drive somewhere. God created kissing, touching,
etc. to function in way so it can actually go somewhere.
Ephesians 5:3
also says that we are to avoid impurity.
In this context, it is referring to avoiding moral impurity. The Greek root
word for “impurity” is ἀκάθαρτος (akathartos) and means “uncleanness in
thought and life.” In the moral sense, it refers to the impurity of lustful,
luxurious, or profligate living. If an activity we are participating in with
another person causes us to lust, it is clearly to be avoided.
Matthew
5:28- “But I tell you that
anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her
in his heart.”
In this
passage, Jesus is saying that sin doesn’t only involve our actions, but also
our thinking. Lust involves desire or a fixation on something (in this context,
it is desiring something that is sinful). This is not to say that the actual
act of adultery is the same as lust in regards to consequences. The consequence
of wishing my neighbor’s dog would get hit by a car (so it would stop barking
at 2:30am) is not as severe as getting the Toyota out of the garage. Although
one may be worse than the other, when it comes to choosing between two evils,
we are to choose neither (Tryon Edwards).
The point of
the passage is that lust is a form of sexual sin and therefore sexual
immorality. In his book Sex, Dating, and Relationships, Gerald Hiestand
says, “Lust is the first expression of a big sin, and as such, is itself a
sin. In the same way, make-out kissing, while not the same as premarital sex,
is the beginning of premarital sex and as such is itself a sin. Lesser
expressions of big sins are still sins. That was Jesus’ point about lust… God calls us to absolute purity. Let’s
not put even a toe in the water of sexual immorality.”
1 Timothy 5:1-2- “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him
as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as
mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
Working in a coupon and
advertising business for the past 11 years, I’ve learned that small print is
often used to clarify other text. In this passage, there is no small print at
the bottom of the page that says, “*Dating relationships do not apply.” We can
sometimes add our own small print to a text, changing its meaning. 1 Timothy
5:1-2 is quite clear. If you
are in a dating relationship, you need to be treating that person in all
purity, as you would a member of the family.
(To continue our discussion, please read part 2: Click Here
~AF
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